she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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