well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
