so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
