She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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