if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
