Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
