yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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