You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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