I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
