New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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