smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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