my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
