Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
