That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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