I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
