She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
