I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
