She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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