so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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