He disabled his match.com account in front of me
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
