Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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