This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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