i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
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We left the knife in your bed.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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