we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
