i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
