I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize