so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
