I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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