i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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