I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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