took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
