I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
