Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Floor bacon is actually really good
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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