My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have aggressive nipples.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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