her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Randomize
