so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
