We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
