I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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