if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
