Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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