I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
