Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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