I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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