well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
