Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
