I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
