And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Pants are for mortals
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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