Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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