Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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