his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
