this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
