shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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