I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I pour the whiskey from now on
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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