how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
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We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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