so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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