He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
