I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
