i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
