I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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