The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
