WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He better not be in your backpack
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
