i jhust puked up my retainher.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
