Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
