"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
