News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You are a genius and a whore.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
