We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
