The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
