Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
