All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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