Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
