Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
