You really coming over, don't trick.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
