when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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