when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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