In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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