I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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