She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't deserve a penis
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
