She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
