I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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