Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
