My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
